Random Friday: The Quest to Become “That Girl” by Starr Cliff

In third grade, I wanted to be just like my friend Jill. Her mom was beautiful and always elegantly dressed, and she obviously took great care in dressing her daughter as well. Jill always had pressed and starched outfits: Her hair bows, shoestrings (if only I was kidding), socks, belts, and jewelry were perfectly coordinated. In hind sight….Jill’s mom may have taken a little too much care in her daughter’s appearance. I remember the times she would pick Jill up from school, and immediately “tsk tsk” before straightening her hair bow and smoothing her clothes. Jill would often avoid craft corner because she didn’t want to get paint on her clothes and upset her mom, and she never got wrinkled and dirty playing tetherball like the rest of us.

But when I was eight, I didn’t think about what she gave up in exchange for her immaculate wardrobe. I just thought she was perfect and sophisticated, and I wanted to be just like her.

Thus began, “Operation: Look like Jill”. Every day I would take careful note of what Jill was wearing. Then I would rush home, and go through my closet trying my best to duplicate her look. I’d lay out my outfit for the following school day, trying to match Jill’s outfit exactly. If she had on a jean skirt with a red t-shirt and red socks and red shoestrings and a red hair bow, I did my darndest to replicate it. Except there were always problems with my plan. I didn’t have a red hair bow…so I would use a red bandana. I didn’t have red shoestrings…so I would just use a red Sharpie on my white shoestrings. My jean skirt was old and a little small…but I just went ahead and wore it anyway. As you can imagine, I was not the picture of sophistication I had hoped for.

The crazy thing is…I had a closet full of perfectly nice clothes, purchased for me with love. I had no reason to wear an old skirt and an awful ratty bandana. I was just trying so hard to be like Jill. But my attempts at imitation never made me feel as pretty or as sophisticated as I hoped they would. I felt like an uncomfortable, awkward mess.

So now I’m an adult, and I feel a little more comfortable making my own wardrobe choices. But I still admire other women in the body of Christ and think, “She is so together. She ministers with such power and influence. If only I could be like that.”

So, nearly subconsciously, I start to devise ways that I can look like “that woman.” If I can just pray with that kind of authority, or write with her level of wisdom, or sing with her anointing – surely then I’ll feel secure and confident. But the more I try to become like “her”, the more awkward and discontented I become.

My little eight year old self didn’t have to dress like Jill. My loving family had given me everything I needed to be a perfectly well-dressed cute little third grader.

And now my 31 year old self doesn’t have to become like “that woman” either. My loving Heavenly Father has given me everything I need to serve Him, in a way that only I can.

No shoestrings painted with red Sharpie required.

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children….” Ephesians 5:1

Starr Cliff

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1. What’s on your iPod – Happy Day by Fee, How He Loves by Kim Walker, and an embarrassing assortment of early 1990’s country music
2. What’s on your nightstand – Homeland by Barbara Kingsolver, Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp, and The Friends We Keep by Sarah Zacharias David
3. Who’s in your house – Jonathan (husband), Ryan age 7, Dylan age 6, and Lauryn age 4.