I’ll never forget the talk that Neil Clark Warren gave my single’s class one Sunday. He challenged us to make a list of the characteristics we desired in a spouse. During this exercise we were allowed to list everything we could think of, cull it down to 21 and ultimately reach the final list of 10 must-have characteristics.
I took this exercise to heart. I worked and worked on my list. For three weeks, I edited and revised and finally came up with my must-have list.
It was about a year later that I met someone who had every characteristic on my list–every single one. We met at a group trip to a Star’s game and began dating shortly after. We had so much in common. We bought season tickets to the Star’s and Dallas Summer Musicals together. We volunteered for causes on the second Saturday of each month. We liked the same movies, restaurants, books and considered hitting golf balls or dancing a fun night on the town. We went to our respective BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) groups on Tuesdays. He was handy to fix things when they broke, had survived major adversity in his life and was going somewhere professionally. He was sold out to God. He topped out the characteristics on the list. Every. Single. One.
We made it through Summer Musicals, but if you know anything about hockey, then you know that it’s a long season. About two months into the season, things began to go a little flat. I can’t explain exactly why, but despite all that we had in common, there was not that spark you would hope to have with a mate. I prayed: “God, please help us. We are so compatible. Remember the LIST?”
That relationship didn’t work out and I didn’t understand why. That’s because during my single season, God showed me first hand my ways were not His ways. The list I made was good for my current circumstances, but would not translate into a marriage meant to go the distance.
Seasons are when God uses us to prepare for the bigger picture in life. I consider my single season one of my happiest and God used those ten years to prepare me to be a better wife, mother, friend, ministry leader and professional. Even though I kept calling uncle, God kept on working. Refining. Growing. Maturing.
I never made another must-have list again. It’s a good thing, because when I met my husband Chris he met only three of those must-haves. By the time I met him I knew full-well that my ways were not God’s ways. I am so grateful!
Blogger ID:
What happened to the hockey tickets? Interestingly enough this is one of the first questions people ask when I tell them this story. By January, we had dinner and delegated the tickets to a draft. I had a good time the rest of the season taking my friends to the games.
What happened to the guy? When we broke up, he reconnected with his high school sweetheart. I believe they have five kids and live on a farm. (If you know me well, you know that God knew what was best–cue Garth Brook’s Unanswered Prayers.)
Are you against lists? I currently have a list for this morning, this afternoon, this week, this month and working on a master list to the end of the year. Not against lists. Just learned they are better suited for tasks rather than finding a spouse.
What’s my favorite season? Fall. I love the change in the landscape. I hate being too hot or too cold. I love the crispness in the air in the mornings and evenings and the pleasant afternoons.
Jen,
I remember when he taught our class. This was right before he told us we were the beta group for eHarmony, right? Great post. As always you tell a good story. And as one of the hockey tickets recipients, I remember your single season all too well. Love and miss you tons.
MBH
Thanks MB. Glad you were along for the journey. Would not have it any other way!
Jen, great post.
I chuckled at the thought of your list. You are talking to a girl who did not even own a list but it is very evident that someone was looking out for this little girl. When I was too dumb to even know what I wanted, He did. So thankful.
What an adventure that single season can be – I think of this generation a lot, and pray for them often.
It definitely worked out for you!!! I’ll join you in prayer.
I was just asked if I think it’s wrong to identify characteristics for a mate. Absolutely not. Just be open to God’s idea and put it before yours. Free advice on a Wednesday.
Great post Jennifer!
& MUST be fearful of God’s commandments
Thanks for sharing it.
I have never written a ‘list-list’ but although God says ‘ask & it will be given to you’…so I do ask every time either I’m praying or just talking to God, I Pray for His will’s (for me) Heart, He (God) knows my likes & dislikes… but please that the chosen one by Him (for me) would be if not a good Salsa dancer at least would try to learn
Love your posts, Jennifer!!
Well, single friend, thanks for the props. Know that I pray daily for God’s best in your life. And Salsa dancing is legit. Love you!
It’s funny, when I met Allen, I had a list of reasons I would not date him. (I was in man-hater mode at that time.
) Without him even knowing what was on that list, one by one he wiped away every reason I had within a week. Yeah, lists are not meant to be used to find (or turn away) your future spouse!
Great story Meredith! It does work both ways.