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I never met you in person but I met you in my heart.  I said “hello” to you the very same day I had to say “goodbye” to you and my world has not been the same since.  You, alone, have changed my life forever.  You have impacted my heart more than anybody ever could.  In one day I experienced love greater than I could know and grief that attacked my heart and spirit viciously.  The pain is real and the brokenness is brutal but God has beauty waiting for me but more importantly for you.  I can feel the impact of your short time in my life and it is something that I feel compelled to share and to not hold in.

1)         1. You have softened my heart in a way that I cannot even explain.  Life was perfect and things were great and in one day that shattered but it brought me to reality and reminded me that there are hurting people in this world.  It only takes one second for a heart to be broken and there are broken hearted people all around me.  I can’t change it but I have the capacity and heart to love harder and comfort more.

2)         2. You confirmed I picked the perfect man to do life with.  I was already madly in love with him to begin with but these past couple of weeks have brought a deeper love for your daddy that I can’t even put into words.

3)         3. You helped me to step up and speak out about the reality of the pain that comes from chemical pregnancy, miscarriage, multiple miscarriages, ectopic pregnancy, still birth, infertility issues and the pain that radiates from these things that so many women go through.  There are women struggling from this pain and we go unnoticed.  We suffer silently in fear that people will not understand us.  I understand and will be a listening ear and a compassionate heart for others.

4)        4.  I know I have cried a lot lately and my heart has been heavy but rest assured little one, you have given me hope.  You have made a dream to have a family much more vivid.  You have propelled my faith and expanded my dreams in a way that only a child could.

So thank you for changing me.  Thank you for allowing me to take care of you even for just a moment.  Thank you for allowing me to dream about you and to love you forever. I am still in the grieving and sadness process and I imagine a part of me always will be but during this time of sadness, I have been able to grasp on to the fact that you will forever be a part of who I am as a person.  If there was ever a question about whether a child is considered a life at conception; rest assured, my heart knows the truth.  I hope when you opened your eyes for the first time and saw Jesus that you felt peace and love all around you because that is what you deserve!

“Love Always,

Your Mommy”

 

*****

Cryssie Addis
Cryssie Addis