Teaching kids to write on notebook paper is a several step process.  Even before teaching them to write between the lines, you have to teach the things we take for granted, like the orientation of the paper.  The holes should be on the left, and you should begin writing not in the large blank white space at the top of the paper, but on the first line, to the right of the faint red vertical line.

You teach them to respect the margins.

I am learning a lot about margins in my life.

If my life was viewed symbolically as a piece of paper, too often I was using up the entire sheet.  There was no space. There was no margin. With no margin, it was too easy for one little thing to send me right off the edge.

So, I worked to create some margin in my life. Here are just a few examples:

•  I can wake up at 6:30am and have just enough time to get the kids awake and dressed, fed breakfast, and their lunches made.  Most days it works. But sometimes an “emergency” springs up (“Mom, have you seen my other shoe?”… “Mom, I need you, my hair is sticking up weird!”…. “I can’t find my library book!”…”I just remembered, I was supposed to be at school 20 minutes early today!”) and “just enough time” doesn’t cut it.  We are left scrambling, cranky, and nearly late for school.  Waking up at 6:00 instead of 6:30, while not fun when the alarm sounds, creates a comfortable margin and things go smoothly even if my daughter feels the need to change clothes 4 times.  (She’s only in the first grade.  I dread Jr. High years.)

• The bank says we can afford $x number of dollars for a mortgage.  That may be true….but if we spent $x amount of dollars it would leave us without any financial margins.  We’d be able to pay our bills each month…but there would be no room for giving or saving or emergencies.  We have lived without financial margin, and it’s no fun.  Many months things go along okay, but when a mechanic bill springs up or your air conditioner goes out, you go tumbling over the edge.  So, we don’t let the bank decide how much we can afford.  We back down several steps away from that amount to allow giving, saving, and to create margin.  (Check out a Financial Peace University class if you need help creating financial margin in your life!)

• Our calendar has blank spaces.  It’s so temping to fill those blanks in, isn’t it?  Don’t see them as blanks.  See them as healthy margins, and respect them as such.  You don’t have to squeeze in another baseball league or gymnastics class just because you can.  Value that margin and use it as  precious down time with your family.

• Having relationship tension in your marriage or with a friend?  I believe that forgiveness is what creates margin.  Don’t keep a record of past wrongs, filling up the page with offenses.  Create margin by choosing to forgive; free up space for God to work in that relationship.

So, is there an area you need to create some space?  Living life teetering right on the edge is stressful, and too often you get knocked from the edge and fall right on over.  There is peace to be found in the margins.

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Matthew 11:28-30 

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

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Many may know that our dear Starr and her family are now residents of Athens, Georgia.  We were so pleased when she graciously agreed to remain on at Prize31 and share with us from time to time!  Be on the look out for future posts by Starr as well as other guest writers to be introduced in the future.

When it comes to Spring Cleaning , I am always in search of a shortcut.  A quick and easy method, or a sharply packaged new product with claims of cutting the work in half with sparkling results.  I have bought every toilet bowl cleaner produced upon God’s green earth, hoping for one I can simply squirt, swish around just a bit with minimal effort, and end up with a toilet bowl so white I can see my own reflection.  (Such a product does not currently exist; at least not one that can compete with the combination of Lubbock’s hard water and a house of six people.)

With the discovery of Pinterest, I have landed upon a treasure trove of quick-cleaning-tips:

There was the time I tried cleaning my showers and tubs with half a grapefruit and salt.  The author of the pin promised a clean and shiny tub without harsh chemicals, and with minimal elbow grease.  I tried it….and felt like someone was playing a rotten joke on me.  After rubbing a grapefruit and sea salt all over my tub, it was still dirty and on top of the yuck that was already there, I now had to clean up grapefruit pulp.

I had high hopes for making my stained cookie sheets like new again.  I put everything I had into scrubbing those pans with the mixture of peroxide and baking soda the pin suggested…and those stains didn’t budge.

In another effort to make my tub and shower doors sparkle, I tried the pin that suggested mixing vinegar with Dawn dishwasher soap.  This method actually did produce some results…..but I gagged from the way it stunk up the house like vinegar, and I slipped and nearly busted my tailbone the first time I used the shower afterward.  Using Dawn soap in your tub leaves your basin dangerously slick. Consider yourself warned people!

After I try one of these cleaning methods that promises quick and easy and fabulous results, but doesn’t usually deliver, I come to the same conclusion:  There really isn’t a “shortcut” that works as well as diligent, consistent, daily cleaning.  The daily (or at least every other day!) spraying and wiping down of the shower doors and tubs leaves them clean without requiring “magic” products or lots of elbow grease.

The astute reader may guess the parallell I’m about to try and make…

Sometimes I want a shortcut for my spiritual life too.

I want to leave things neglected, and seek pleasure (usually in the form of the snooze button, a TV show, or an iPhone game) instead of engaging in daily prayer and study. Then when I realize things in my spiritual life have gotten a bit messy, I look around for a shortcut of sorts.  I hope for a particularly moving worship time at church that will help me feel better.  I take extra good notes of Pastor Carl’s sermon and hope that it can set me back on track.  Those “shortcuts” are indeed good for the soul, and they can bring a certain measure of joy, but they do not produce the same beautiful results as diligently pursing the spiritual disciplines of daily prayer and daily worship and daily study of God’s word.  There are simply no shortcuts. And I’m so glad…because the lack of shortcuts means that my Father God desires daily, consistent time with Starr.  Me, with my soap-scum covered shower doors and my kinda nasty cookie sheets…Father God wants time with me, every day.

Luke 9:23  

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”

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“They’ll never respect you if they know that you still haven’t managed to pull it together.”

When I first meet someone, someone who over a series of lunches and coffee dates will eventually become a good friend, it’s easy for me to be transparent.  I value authenticity in people and I try to offer up my “true self” when I’m forming friendships.  I share successes and answered prayers, as well as frustrations and failings.

But I’m realizing something about myself.

Early in friendships, transparency is easy.  ”I am really struggling to have patience with my children.  I’m never on top of household chores.  Laundry is eating me alive.  I’m finding it hard to read my Bible and spend any real time in prayer….will you pray for me?  Can you ask me occasionally if I’ve been in the Word?  Would you provide some accountability in asking me if I’ve been a good steward of my time?” 

But as I go deeper in friendships, and as those friendships grow stronger over two…three….four years…it becomes embarrassing for me to re-visit those same. old. issues.  

I mean, sure, at first it’s okay to talk about my struggle to engage in meaningful prayer, or the battle I fight to have consistent Bible study.  I’m working thru it, right?  Seeking prayer and wise counsel?  I’m only human.  I’m sharing a struggle.  And accountability and friendship actually does help. Iron sharpens iron, I feel the prayers of friends, and the Holy Spirit is given room to work.  I move toward becoming the person I want to be.

But then that season of victory comes….and goes.  Those mountaintops have turned into valleys yet again, and I barely even noticed it happening.  I’m right back where I started.  It’s painful….but this time it’s not so easy to share those failings or ask for accountability.  The enemy of my soul is convincing in his accusations: “These friends have walked this road with you already.  They don’t want to hear your same old story.  You should have this figured out by now.  To talk about this issue yet again would be needy and selfish of you. They’ll never respect you if they know that you still haven’t pulled it together.”  I might not clearly articulate those excuses exactly in the moment, but when I shy away from authenticity with women who care about me, those are the exact lies I am believing.

It’s prideful.  And I’ve discovered upon prayer and self-reflection as I write this post, that I want my silence on issues that were known to plague me in the past to be interpreted as continued victory in those areas.  Even if that is far from the truth.

We need each other ladies.  Let’s get real. None of us will completely “pull ourselves together” this side of heaven, but it’s okay to ask someone to help pull you up.

Satan is a liar.  If he is throwing “nevers” at you —- they’ll never understand…she’ll never forgive you….you’ll never be given chances to minister…you will never have victory in this area – you can bet the exact opposite is true.

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Galatians 5: 24 and 25 —   These verses command nailing the passions of our sinful desires to the cross.  I feel we should all just take a moment and let that settle on us.  It’s a bit intimidating, actually. Nothing about that process is casual, or easy, or happens by accident.

For me, it takes first recognizing what is actually just a passion of the flesh verses a God-directed, God-inspired, G0d-birthed passion.  If I find my thoughts swirling around something that someone said or didn’t say…when I find myself in a pattern of thought I can’t escape regarding a disagrement….when I cry out in prayer over hurt feelings or misunderstandings…I think we can all relate to our passion being awakened when we feel offended or disagree with a spouse or close friend.  We become quite eloquent at passionately articulating all the reasons that we are right and our husbands, err…I mean…whoever we’re arguing with… are wrong.  This is not the kind of passion God desires to awaken in me.  In these times, I too often indulge in passion misspent.

After recognition comes repentance. I repent that I have allowed my sinful nature, with it’s constant need to be esteemed and to be right (Uh…that’s all of us in human form, not just me, right?), take control of my mouth.

I want to be free of those desires of the flesh, so that I can pursue the passions of God!  As I have read the thoughts on passion and purpose this month from my fellow Prize31 authors, my prayer has been that I would boldly embrace the passions of Jesus Christ as my own.  My prayers have sounded much like this:

“Oh Lord, that I could let small offenses just roll off me like water and instead be alive to Your passions.  Let me not waste time, energy and heartache on the desires of the flesh. Please let my heart be still, receptive, and peaceful when I am criticized, but let it race, Lord, when I see injustice against the poor and needy.  Let me be kept in perfect peace when I feel wrongly judged, forgiving quickly; but Lord let a fiery rage increase inside me against the enemy who leads little ones astray!  By faith, Lord, perceived mistreatment will not upend me but seeing the Fatherless in need of a home will leave me undone.  Drive me to Your throne, God.  Awaken Your passions in my heart.  Quiet the passions born out of too much regard for self.  Thank you, Father.  Thank you. Amen.”

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It seems sort of ethereal, doesn’t it? Purpose? I mean…the reason for which I exist. That’s weighty.  Something that should encompass a lifetime and that can only really be understood or achieved over decades.  Something you can’t grab ahold of really but can only just begin to grasp in some unspoken, unnamed way deep in your soul.  A belief that there is a grand purpose that God has me on earth to achieve; a purpose for me alone.

But to be honest, to think of purpose in that grand, intangible way can leave me grasping for purpose in my day to day life of being a wife and mother.  Am I fulfilling my purpose as I pack lunches, wash clothes, and grocery shop?  Surely the spilled maple syrup all over the cabinets and kitchen floor is distracting me from my purpose, and not helping me fulfill it…. right?

I suppose it’s all a matter of perspective.  Sometimes the mundane feels small and insignificant.  And somedays…when God is near and my heart is renewed…the mundane feels like holiness.

For I have just begun to grasp this reality: A lifetime is made of years, made of months, made of weeks, made of days….made of hours.  These small moments.  These small moments are all I have – the total of them becomes my whole life.  The living out of the small moments with Him in mind; that is my purpose.

I am amazed to see how He graciously takes the small moments and weaves them together to create something that matters.  Taking a deep breath and responding with grace to my children….and their souls understand a bit more of His compassion.  Deciding to bite my tongue and pray rather than nag….and a husband’s heart is softened.  Wiping up the syrup with grace instead of scolding….and they experience a small glimpse of His forgiveness and nature.   Ignoring her crassness, not judging her mistakes….and a woman who once felt unlovable begins to open up to the love of her Creator. Persistently loving that boy that causes a scene, who every Sunday says he hates church and hates you….and watching the coldness slowly melt off of him as he worships with hands raised.   Thank you, Lord, that when I commit the small moments to you, they become moments that impact eternity.

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1.  How can you keep in mind that small moments really do matter?  I’m not sure.  I’m still learning!  I’m not gonna lie…there are times when my head hits the pillow in exhaustion and I question if I’ve spent all that energy on anything of real worth…anything at all that really matters in the big scheme of things.  Let’s all keep praying for each other, shall we?

2. How can we define success, and know if we’re living a life of purpose?  Like I said in the post, “purpose” can seem so lofty that it’s hard to define. A few years ago, I wrote a “Motherhood Mission Statement” that helps bring focus to the season of life I’m currently living.  I encourage you to do the same, for whatever season you find yourself!  Here’s mine:

To create a home environment where my family can give and receive the love of God daily

and are inspired to become fully devoted followers of Christ.

I prayed one morning recently for God to grant me a truly grateful heart.  That morning before I left for work, I was nearly moved to tears of thankfulness

…..for a hot shower,

……a dishwasher,

……..and a van that starts when I turn the key.

He is good.

The very next afternoon, that same van didn’t start when I turned the key. Hmmm… A small moment, but I had to decide which way to lean:  into the frustration and worry of not having working trasnportation, or into God and continued gratitude.

I leaned into God in that small moment, and He granted gratitude.  Sitting in a garage in a van that wouldn’t start.  With a 20 month old crying foster baby.  Needing to pick up three beautiful children from school, and already running late.  I leaned into God and was again moved to thankfulness…

….for a stroller to strap the baby into.

….for a pretty day and light breeze that stopped the baby’s crying.

….that I live close enough to the school that I can walk there and pick up my three beautiful children.

He is good.

When the van starts and when it doesn’t.  He is good.

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