One of the most unexpected things I felt after losing my youngest child was guilt. If you’ve been there you may understand this. Didn’t I have enough to deal with? Hadn’t I lost enough? Where was this guilt coming from? Words and images rattled around in my devastated head – I wasn’t there enough for her…what about that evening she wanted me to watch a movie with her and I was ‘too tired tonight, maybe later’ – Later never came. And I agonized over decisions I’d made about the actual day of the accident that took her life. Did I make wrong decisions? Was I not listening to God? Did He try to warn me, but I ignored Him… God had entrusted this small soul to me and I had lost her. Guilt… It weighed as heavy as the grief that brought it to life.
After all these years I really thought I’d let go of all the lies of the enemy. God has worked with me a lot! I’m slow but He is good and patient… During my daily reading something jumped off the page at me. I was doing a little light reading in Leviticus 7 (yes, you’re supposed to laugh at that)! When I got to the last sentence, it hit me like a ton of bricks. There was a sin offering AND there was a guilt offering. I scrolled back up (my I-pad, not an actual scroll!) and there it was – rules specifically given for the guilt offering. Tears began to roll down my face. I thought I’d let it all go, but perhaps I’d just buried it. Now it was coming up in sobs.
The prior two months God had beautifully orchestrated for me that though I am so lost, Jesus became my personal High Priest. There’s no waiting for ceremonial cleansing or certain times of year, or wishing I was a guy named Levi so that I could enter the Holy of Holies. Jesus opened it up to me anytime I want to come. The High Priest would take care of the sacrifice of the people. Well, my High Priest did that too, only differently. He gave Himself as my perfect sacrifice, a lamb without blemish, the first fruits of God Himself. He became my High Priest and my perfect sacrifice.- Something I can’t comprehend or begin to understand.
Today’s revelation kicker? – He died for my sins, but He also paid for my guilt. The Holy of Holies gave His own blood to take away my guilt. (Lev. 7:1 – …the guilt offering, which is most holy…) Sometimes it’s easier to receive forgiveness than it is to walk away feeling guilt-free. Maybe you’ve been there. – No one wants to be divorced; you’ve asked forgiveness, God has helped you move on. You see the fruits of His goodness in your life, but guilt wants to crush that fruit into a bitter wine… You were young and scared when you had that abortion. You know God has forgiven you. You have received His forgiveness but you carry guilt like a ball and chain around your neck…You were only 6 when a trusted one molested you. You know it wasn’t your fault. You’re married, teaching Sunday School, your children are happy and loved – but guilt stays around like that tickle in your throat that won’t go away…The affair was never supposed to happen. You’ve forgiven each other, made amends and things are better than ever. So why wear guilt like a giant scarlet letter?…I was never a perfect mother, but I loved her with all God gave me. He’s shown me how much He loves us both. Why let guilt take what it doesn’t deserve?
He died for our sins, but He also paid for our guilt. He is Perfect and Holy. Lay it down. Let His blood wash over and cover your sins and your guilt. Give it to Him…after all; He paid in full.
Embrace His Grace and Be Blessed