Restless. Defined by productivity, driven by success and determined not to stop…all describe me. What motivates me is good to the core, I wildly love people. Never in a million years did I imagine being stopped in my tracks and asked the question, “How am I loving myself?”
As I journey through peeling back the layers of a good, meaningful life – being a wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, community activist, gardener, strong-minded, faith-filled woman…it’s all been broken, lost or tarnished along the way. These things have defined my life with a sense of confidence and contentment. But, who am I when it’s all gone? What am I really living for?
There’s no human posture left in me. Weakness presents itself in every way – body, mind and spirit. I really want to fight against this position. It’s unnatural and uncomfortable. As hard as I try, I just can’t. So what’s left? Surrender. To what? To whom? After a thought-provoking conversation about identity I was asked the question, “What will you do.?” I knew, all I could do was “be.” It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Giving up control, drive, fulfillment and turning my affections completely on God is a struggle.
So what does a life of “being” look like today? Daily I meditate on reflections from The Jesus Calling book. It assures me of just how delighted God is in my abiding. Urgency of projects has diminished and the quiet is becoming more comfortable. I would have called myself lazy, unproductive and wasteful. As my mind is renewed, a new strength and life is rising… it’s mounted on the precious truths of God’s undeniable love and desire for relationship. It’s in abiding that I’m finding life hidden in plain sight.
Here’s the provoking thought from Jesus Calling today,
“I AM THE RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE; all lasting life emanates from Me. People search for life in many wrong ways: chasing after fleeting pleasures, accumulating possessions and wealth, trying to deny the inevitable effects of aging. Meanwhile, I freely offer abundant Life to everyone who turns toward Me. As you come to me and take My yoke upon you, I fill you with My very Life. This is how I choose to live in the world and accomplish my purposes. This is also how I bless you with Joy unspeakable and full of Glory. The Joy is Mine, and the Glory is Mine; but I bestow them on you as you live in my Presence, inviting Me to live fully in you.”
March 2nd, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
I’m finding a new life…living, moving and having my being in Him. I invite you on this journey. Letting go of the weight of this world, we can ultimately run our race with endurance. Nothing like what I expected, but better than ever!!!