Blog

Jaimie Havens is a guest author presenting to us her story about becoming a mother in two parts.

If you’re reading this. . . 

What an opener, right? In the movies this is the line all the guys use when they figure she’s better off without him. Or maybe this is how you started the letter to your parents when you decided to run away at 13 and made it to your friend Sarah’s house before you realized Sarah’s mom was a trash cook and her lasagna tasted like Tuna Helper. Maybe this is the start to a letter you found in an old book that someone special hid and was waiting for you to find. For whatever reason, “If you’re reading this,” is a clear indicator that something meaningful or important is about to be shared.

I wish I could write my past self one of those letters. Like “Jaimie, if you’re reading this, do not waste your time on this season of the Bachelor because they break up two months after the show airs.” Or “If you’re reading this, don’t introduce your children to apple juice. They will only ever want to drink apple juice and water or milk won’t stand a chance.”

There are probably a lot of things we tell ourselves or others — things we have learned, things we have lived through, things we hold close to our hearts. And if there was ever a time to encourage each other or share things we have learned, would it not be now? After everything we have been through — jr. high, break-ups, middle parts, the recession, a global pandemic, infertility, loss, parenthood, marriage, relationships. 

So, if you’re reading this, you’ve made it. You made it to today. Your legs may not be shaved and you may have given your kids dino chicken nuggets for dinner again, but you made it. I feel so proud to have made it to right now, to have walked through the past year and still be breathing. 

This year has given me communion with the Lord, closeness to His heart, an understanding of His presence like never before. The pits can do that, can’t they? When you’re in deep, there is really only One who is deeper. 

My husband and I obeyed the call on our lives to become foster parents in 2017. Early in 2018, we met our now daughter, Jaidyn who we fostered for a year and a half before she was officially adopted. In April of 2019, we also started fostering Jaidyn’s little sister, B. We brought her home from the NICU as a 3 pound, 12 ounce doll. She was so tiny, and I traded sleeping for watching her little chest rise and fall until she was at least 7 pounds. 

While it was unexpected, having B become a part of our family was a no-brainer.  We still maintained a relationship with the girls’ mom, and B had visits with her each week. The CPS case was all over the place and nothing felt certain except that we knew the Lord was holding everything together.

Please check back next week for part two of Jaime’s story.