Yesterday I was in a MOOD. A person I dearly loved had been done dirty and there was some fire shooting through my veins. I want to tell you ALL about the offense right now. I want you to nod in agreement and tell me how horrible it all is. I want social validation and perhaps for you to send me a Crumbl cookie to soothe my heart.
Last night I started to do this. I looked at some friends, opened my mouth, but every time I started to tell a story, something would happen and the conversation would turn. I never got to share my woe and get all the nods of sympathy.
Praise.the.Lord.
What? That doesn’t seem right. We SHOULD share our burdens with others, right?
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15
Sharing is not Caring
Yale University (E. Boothby, M. Clark and J. Bargh) published a study where they had people taste bitter and sweet chocolate alone and with another person. The results—the intensity of the experience multiplied when it was shared. That is right, chocolate DOES taste better with friends. When I share the offense to others, it makes the pain MORE intense.
It also starts changing my brain. Every time I tell the story, or replay it in my head (the hallmark moment when a hurt grows into an offense) I start laying new synapses or pathways in my brain. The more I replay the scene (to others or in my mind) I intensify its importance. I can also change the truth.
What? The more I replay it, the greater the chance I will start to change a few of the tiny details to the point where what exists in my brain of what happened and the actual transcript of the event do not match. However, to me, my truth (what my emotions and future actions will be based on) could be a lie. So now, not only am I stirring up anger and growing a bitter root in myself, I am spreading a potentially false truth to others.
An Echo Chamber vs a God Chamber
My problem was essentially me. I was looking for an echo chamber—people who would validate my mood and echo back to me In my heart, I was not after healing, I wanted justice.
Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9
When I share the story of the offense with the purpose of making other people mad—getting them on my side, I am just becoming a tool for division.
Naaman, the commander of the army of the king of Aram (2 Kings 5) was in a MOOD. This valiant solider who had won many battles found himself with leprosy—a painful and deadly disease. He was given wisdom to go to Israel for healing. He eventually found himself at the home of Elisha who sent a messenger to meet Naaman at the door with instructions for healing.
Sparks started to fly. Naaman came ALL this way planning on giving the BEST gifts (silver, gold and the equivalent of Aram’s Spring Fashion Week aka TEN sets of clothing) to the healer and then the great prophet did not deem him important enough to meet face to face. To add insult to injury (start of an offense) he was told to dip himself seven times in the muddy Jordan river. Naaman let his feelings be known.
However, he had a God Chamber. The Lord spoke through his attendants and helped him reframe the situation. He set his pride aside, did go dip himself in the Jordan seven times and, “his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.”
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.Psalm 51:10-12
A “God Chamber” is a place that helps you create a pure heart or develop your steadfast spirit. It could be just you and God or it could include others. If your friends all share a common goal—create the heart of Psalm 51—they will be like Naaman’s friends and help reframe.
Reframing the Offense
“Guys, I need help stopping an offense that is growing up in me. Can you remind me of who I am in Christ? Can you remind me that the Lord is my strong arm and my role is to forgive? Can you just speak God’s Word over me to lighten my spirit?”
Do you see how that is a little different from, “Can you believe that xxx said xxx?” THIS is what I should have said the other night.
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. Psalm 19:11
I’m learning that sometimes my responses to the actions of others are not proportionate with the action itself. Often, it is tied to some deeper hurt from a different time, So, when the hurt does arise, it is almost a gift. You can ask the Lord to show you when the pain really started and work on forgiveness in that area. Friend, you know how good it feels when that deep heart cleaning happens. Needs some help with this? Start here. Feeling a little rejected? Start here. Forgiveness can be life changing.
So today, let’s all try to adjust our moods a bit, clean some cobwebs from our heart and create a God Chamber.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.Colossians 3:12-17
You are His best!
P.S. Need another little gem–how about this as a great way to shrug off potential offenses: Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you—for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others. Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 (I’m adding in “and you didn’t really mean it. You felt the words were false the moment you said them or as soon as your temper cooled.”) In other words, show grace. To yourself and others.
