My name is Brianna. While obtaining my bachelor’s in psychology, I studied suicide, and suicide prevention extensively. Even so, when I began to wrestle with suicidal thoughts my senior year of college, I found the process of reaching out for help to be more difficult than most people realize. I felt invisible, even to those closest to me, who had no idea of my struggle, despite the warning signs. Finally, after many hours of prayer, I sought help, and I was able to crawl out of the pit I’d fallen into.
Years later, when the lead singer of one of my favorite bands committed suicide, I thought back to the darkest season of my life, remembering the hopelessness, and my heart broke for him, knowing that he had not won his battle. I was then inspired to write this poem to give a voice to those who feel as though their cries for help go unheard, who feel unseen.
You are seen. You are wanted. You are loved. You have value. There is hope. There are so many more reasons for staying than there are for leaving. Please stay.
If you suspect someone you care about may be struggling with suicidal thoughts or depression, please reach out to them. It won’t be easy or comfortable, but please be brave enough to ask the hard questions. The answers may be hard to hear, but harder still is being left with questions that can never be answered.
My hands are beginning to hurt.
My throat burns.
Mouth’s gone dry.
Still, I’m desperate.
So I try again.
My own screams
Bounce off the walls
Echo through my ears
Reverberate through my bones
Rock my soul.
The walls are a one way mirror
Allowing me to see the outside world and
how well it functions without me.
My prison is soundproof
and I’m tired of screaming.
I press the razor to my skin.
Perhaps when the mirrors bleed,
the world will finally look
past its own reflection.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention