For decades my husband and I have seen things differently! Some may say we have different
perspectives – I’m sure you probably get what I am saying.
It has been so evident to people who hang with us that when they heard a ministry recording from
Gateway with, “Well, it really happened this way…” on it, they immediately identified the speaker as
my husband, John, who was correcting my account of an incident.
Yes, it is true. We have lived together for over 50 years and we still see things differently – even when
we are viewing exactly the same thing at exactly the same time!
What we have learned is that it doesn’t necessarily mean that one of us is right and the other is
Perhaps I should say that again… or you could simply read it again. But pay attention to this: Coming
to that revelation was an important factor in saving our marriage.
Because God created us each as unique individuals, He gave each of us a different set of lenses
through which we see life. Those lenses are also flexible and they can change through seasons and
circumstances we experience. Bottom line, mine are not like John’s.
To love someone doesn’t mean they have to think like I do – God forbid! But it does mean that I
respect who God has created them to be – including their different ways of thinking about things. It is
amazing how when I treat them and consider their opinions with respect, we have a much better
chance of coming to a creative resolution.
Another technique I was taught, was to ask, “Will this matter 5 years from now?” This particular tool
made it very evident to me that a lot of the things over which I was fretting were not really that
important. If I gave in, the world would not end. OUCH!
Now, here is a tool my husband and I use often: We take turns winning. Seriously, it works! We are
both very passionate, strong-headed Germans. We both REALLY like to be right! Truthfully,
sometimes peaceful or creative resolutions are just not in the picture. That is when we invoke the,
“It’s my turn to win” tool or one of us goes for a walk. You might laugh – but for us it works!
The scriptures says, “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God.” (Matthew
5:9) Our philosophy is that practicing peacemaking is going to have to start in our home; with my
spouse; my children; my siblings; and in my workplace.
Because we have been given the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16 ) and because the same Spirit that
raised Christ from the dead dwells in us (Romans 8:11 ) WE CAN DO THIS!!
Together we can say, “It really happened this way…”