Suicide Doesn’t Have To Be Next Step – Let’s Talk by Gloria Toti

For the month of September,

we are going to invite you into the conversation of suicide prevention. 

When I hear that someone has chosen to put an end to their emotional pain through suicide, I cry out to God and ask him what I can do to help those in need of His love and peace. 

Below you will find a true story/testimony of a young man I recently met.  May his story touch your heart like it touched mine.  The first chapter of his life is filled with brokenness, depression and various suicide attempts, but the second chapter is laced with truth, grace and hope that miraculously turned him into a bold leader. 


Dear Young People,

My greatest evidence of there being a God is the fact that I am living and breathing today. Until I truly met Jesus I was severely depressed and ridden with anxiety. I was making irresponsible decisions, doing the wrong thing and associating with the wrong people. I was on the brink of suicide for over a year, and after several attempts I should have died. I was empty, trying to fill myself with things that only temporarily relieved my pain. That was until I met Jesus.I didn’t just get better, I was set free from those things by the blood of Jesus Christ. In 2nd Chronicles Jehosaphats kingdom of Judah was threatened with war by the Moabites, Ammonites and the Meunites. Alarmed by this threat on Judah, Jehoshaphat sought guidance from the Lord on how to fight a battle they were sure to lose.

The Lord presented himself to the kingdom of Judah and he says in verse 15-17 -“Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. 17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’”. Part way through verse 17 it is written, “Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance of the lord”.

I believe it is important to realize that there was action required from the people of Judah to receive this deliverance it wasn’t just given to them. Throughout this chapter we see several actions taken such as, Jehosephat declaring a fast for all of Judah, to the seeking of guidance from God through Prayer, and finally the praise to God after deliverance. If we want to receive the gift of God we must actively seek God just as the kingdom of Judah did. I remember one night I was sitting alone in my room crying. I was so desperate for a fix that night to relieve my pain, but tonight I couldn’t turn to the pills I abused- I was fresh out. I couldnt attempt to kill myself- I was too much of a coward to try anything other than an over dose. So sitting there in so much emotional pain that was rapidly becoming physical I cried out, “If there is a God why have you forsaken me, why have you let me suffer and feel this pain!” This confusion I felt wasn’t from God, It was straight from the devil. But God was right there in the middle of my hopelessness, a defender to my heart ready to silence all the noise and bring peace to me. If you just ask God he will see you through. And even when you thought you’ve lost yourself and broken into a million pieces God knows exactly where you left yourself and He is ready to put all of your pieces back together.

Mark writes in Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

The people of Judah received the deliverance from God because they sought it through prayer. They surrendered their problems to the Lord and they were no longer their own to fight. I used to believe several months ago that my depression and anxiety hadn’t gone away but got better with God. That’s far from my truth- the fear, anxiety and depression that made my body their vessel no longer rules my life- the son of God has set me free, and I am free indeed. I’m no longer a slave to the curses of the world and I’m sending back every lie the devil sold to me. He took so many years from me and even killed some of my friends and I can never get that back. “Everything that the devil told me I wasn’t, God told me I was and everything he hated about me God told me he loved and when he tried to kill me with depression and anxiety God reached in and placed hope deep inside of me”. And as it says in Psalm 46 “Though the earth beneath me may give way I WILL NOT FEAR because the Lord almighty is with us- I will be still and know that HE IS GOD.” The same God who delivered the Israelites, the God that saved Daniel from the lions den, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob wants to silence the noise and bring peace to all of us. I will continue to declare praise to my God because he hasn’t just healed me, he has made me whole and set me free. So today the only tears I shed are the ones in reverence to the God who saved me from the curses of hell.


Many of you know someone who has been impacted by suicide, and this month we want to remind you to reach out to them.  Throughout September, we would also like for interactive conversations to take place.  If you have something you want to share with us or need someone to pray with, please leave a comment and we will reach back out to you.  If you want to talk with someone about the things you are dealing with relating to suicide, please call us at 806-792-3363, or call the

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  1800273-8255. 

~Gloria Toti 



This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Diane Qubty

    This subject is heart breaking but affects those we love. Thank you for turning our attention to this and our hearts to prayer. Open our eyes Lord

  2. JT

    This is encouraging!

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